Wearing burkas in the land of cotton

To the Editor,

I took down my Rebel flag (which you can't buy on eBay any more) and peeled the NRA sticker off the front door.

I disconnected my home alarm system and quit the candy*** Neighborhood Watch. I bought two Pakistani flags and put one at each corner of the front yard. Then I purchased the black flag of ISIS (which you can buy on eBay) and ran it up the flag pole.

Now, the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching my house 24/7. I've NEVER felt safer and I'm saving $69.95 a month that ADT used to charge me.

Plus, I bought burkas for my family when we shop or travel. Everyone moves out of the way and security can't pat us down.

Hot**** -- Safe at last -- Ain't America great or what?

J.R. Smith

Poplar Bluff, Mo,