Patience leads to perspective

As I listened to my 10- and 11-year-old battle it out, verbally, about silly things like who was wearing whose clothing, why the other choose to look at her sibling in the manner she did, and just how “rude” her sister was being, it took all I had to maintain a levelheaded demeanor. I could barely grasp the constant bickering, demeaning, and outright meanness spewing forth from my babies’ lips. The fact that these two exceptional little ladies had stooped to such depths astounded me. With each nitpicking word, adverse gesture, and crossed look my blood began to boil. Unsure at what direction the battle, between the girls, would take, I felt it may be time to intercede to ensure the words being said didn’t turn physical. Although I would admit, seeing my pre-teens transitioning from trash talk to all-out battle did pique my interest at who would prevail the victor, given no one got injured.

Although I am a firm believer that there are consequences to the words we say, I just couldn’t follow through with my belief that if someone pops you because of your demeaning words to them, you learn a valuable lesson. Battling the desire for the girls to learn, coupled with my hope that my girls remain injury-free, the time had come for me to put my two cents in. As I reprimanded the girls, I began describing how important family was and how many times it was only our family which has our backs. My words were met with distained looks and constant “well, she...” statements. As my words remained flat within the minds of the girls, I had no option other than doing what we parents do...I began threatening that if things didn’t change, I was going to change things.

As good old Dad began listing things he was going to take away, the girls stood with an air of cockiness about them. They had heard the words before and seldom experienced the consequences because dad has a problem with following through when confronted by the winking eyes of his little princesses. Isn’t it funny how follow through is not an issue unless it is intended for someone we hold dear? As I walked away, I continued to feel my heart race and blood boil. I sat and pondered how we were going to get through to the girls when my oldest, from the other room said “Dad, it’s normal, it’s like what you used to do with Aunt Donna.”

The words stopped me in my tracks and as I turned to the child, holding back my desire to laugh. I simply responded “No, baby, it’s not the same. I would have been picking myself up off the floor if I said that to my sister”.

As the evening continued the girls made up. The angry words were replaced by giggles of excitement over how the sister mastered a new trick on her bike. My frustration transitioned into appreciation as I thought about how fleeting our frustrations can be if we only keep them in perspective. For me, the momentary frustration of hearing the girls fighting, as siblings do, was overshadowed by the true nature of each child. The unkind words gave way to pleas for help as the child saw her sister struggle with a broken bike chain. The negative actions transitioned into helping hands as hair needed braided and make up needed applied.

Oh, what a lesson we can learn from our children. For it is when we remain patient we understand that with each moment therein lies an opportunity. It is through our patience that we can embolden ourselves to look beyond the negative, forward towards the future, leaving our frustrations in our wake.

Richard J. Stephens lives in Carter County and is the father of three little ladies ranging in age from 9 to 29.