Emptying the hose and clearing out emotions

My girl had a rough day the other day. It seemed that no matter how hard she tried, no matter what attempts she made to lift herself out of the funk she felt, she just kept slipping deeper and deeper into a hole of despair. Her mom and I did our best to provide the bright spot in spite of her frustrations, but when our attempts fell short, knowing that the reason she was struggling was temporary, we decided to simply allow the child’s emotions to play their self out under our watchful eyes.

Like the slow movement of the second hand on a clock, the despair, pain and frustration pent up, seemingly forever, slowly slipped away. Although short in duration, our child breathed a breath of relief when she began feeling better as she placed her struggles behind her. As we sat as a family discussing the events of that morning our child voiced her frustration over not being able to remedy her feelings. Listening intently, the reality of the situation revealed itself.

For several hours she struggled. No amount of consolation helped the situation in the child’s mind. She simply faced disaster, in her mind. What she would later realize was that while she struggled through her pain, several important factors were playing out before her eyes. First, her family came to her aid. Regardless of the past, the animosity, or even sibling rivalries, her sister remained constant in her attempts to lift her up and provide the hand of salvation while she slowly sunk. Through kindness and acceptance, the child learned that at times it is OK to not be OK. For a child so young to recognize that her sister was struggling was unique and to be quite honest unexpected. Secondly, she learned that at times we simply must empty the hose.

As a child I had the opportunity to help my brother-in-law at his family operated gas station. I remember one day I had the duty to fill any vehicle which arrived at the pumps with gasoline. Being every bit of fourteen I was excited to assist. I remember a man coming in and asking for twenty dollars’ worth of fuel. After filling the man’s tank to the desired amount, I quickly turned the pump off and drained the remaining fuel from the hose into the mans fuel tank. With a smile on my face, I thanked the man and watched as he remained at the pump, shaking his head.

Asking if everything was alright, the man responded, asking me why I had emptied the hose. After hearing my response, the man said it was rare that a gas station attendant would empty the hose and risk losing money from future sales. He thanked me and explained that he had been touched by my simple action, and to keep being honest in life. As I thought about my child’s struggle it occurred to me that we often lose sight of the fact that not being OK is alright sometimes because we need to understand that struggles will happen. Likewise, it is during those struggles that we must be willing to empty the hose, per se, ridding ourselves of all the residual hurt, pain and frustration in order to begin again refreshed and anew. How do we empty our hose? It’s all in our perspective. We must allow the struggle to unfold and then be strong enough to allow it to flow away from us when the time is right. Holding on to our pain and hurt through keeping it pent up in our hose benefits no one, especially us. Be strong my friends, understand that it is OK and time to empty the hose.

Richard J. Stephens lives in Carter County and is the father of three little ladies ranging in age from 9 to 29.