A good friend loves at all times

There is a passage of scripture that is found in 1 Corinthians Chapter 13:4-7. It is here where we find the very definition of love. It is a passage of scripture that is very much needed in the days that we live in because the meaning of love has become, diluted, maligned and perverted over the years.

The truth is that the definition that Paul gives us of love in 1 Corinthians explains the very characteristics, qualities and personality of God. Verse four through seven tell us what love is; Love is patient, love is kind, love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; love is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. It is a powerful passage of scripture. Like I said earlier, this definition of love defines the very character of who God is. 1 John 4:8; God is Love.

It is a shame we only hear the love passage in wedding ceremonies or we see the words of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 painted on a piece of white-washed, refurbished barn wood and hung in someone’s house.

This definition is not just for married couples. It is for all of us to understand. We need to love one another with the kind of love that God shows us. This perfect love casts out all fear. We have not been perfected yet, but as we love God and love others, we grow in the image of God. We look more like Jesus.

We need to understand in our culture what a true friend is .1 Corinthians 13:4-7 is key in finding what true friendship is. A friend is not someone who is there for us only when we need them, a true friend helps us become the best version of ourselves. Yet, at the same time they love us for just who we are.

When I was in seventh grade, there was a new student in my class that just moved to my school from California. His name was Mike and we immediately became friends. After he was in our school for a few weeks, all of the other male students in my grade disliked him. The boys in my class came to me with an ultimatum. If I did not start disliking Mike and treating him the way they were treating him, they were all going to turn on me too.

So I started disliking Mike. I was mean to Mike and one day Mike said to me; “I expect them to act this way but you were my friend. Now you are nothing more than a coward!” The next day Mike didn’t return to school. His family moved to a different school district.

What I did not know at the time was approximately two years after this event happened, it would be me who was moving across the country to go through high school with people I did not know.

I thought about Mike every day of my freshman year. How I wished I would have made things different. How I wished I would have stood up to the bullies and went against the tide. I thought back then if I was Mike’s friend I would lose all my other friends.

What I did not understand was if they were real friends they would not have made me choose between themselves and Mike in the first place.

In my early twenties, after I surrendered my life to Christ, I remember reading Proverbs 17:17; A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. I would meditate on this verse and Mike would come to my mind. If I ever found myself in that situation again, my prayer was (is) that I would support my friend and stand with him.

A friend is not someone we hold leverage against. Friends are not disposable when life gets rough. The verse here in Proverbs says that a friend loves at all times. It does not say a friend loves sometimes or only when it is in our best interest.

There are times when people will leave the side of others when the going gets tough. We have certainly seen this happen recently on the national and political stages. We need not forget the second part of verse seventeen; … “and a brother is born for adversity.”

Friends are not just people that we have fun with or have much in common with. True friends, come together when life gets rough. When tough times arise, there is a bond that occurs in life between two friends that makes them more like siblings than friends. Not only are brothers born for adversity, brothers are spiritually birthed through adversity.

How many times have we heard from the mouth of someone who feels in their hardship they have been abandoned; “I am finding out who my real friends are.” Tough times have the ability to show real motives and true colors.

One way I have learned to combat this is focusing on my own heart and motives. Years ago I was listening to a senior saint in my church tell me of a time when her and her husband were going through marital difficulty. She was praying; “Lord, make him a better husband.” She told me that God had spoken to her and said, He couldn’t change him until she changed her prayer. So she began praying; “Lord, make me a better wife.”

God began to change her and when her husband noticed she was different, he began to respond.

This strategy does not only work for marriages but also it is good advice for having strong and healthy friendships. When we are young, we are too obsessed with being popular. How much more beneficial it would be for us if we had taken the time to examine ourselves and the quality of the kind of friend we are.

Theodore Roosevelt once said; “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” No words ring truer than this. I have learned through the years the more I examine and work on myself, the more I am able to be a true friend to others. It is through times of adversity where that quality is developed.

As we examine ourselves in prayer and apply God’s word to our hearts, we then must walk in the knowledge we have received. That is when we will see growth in our lives.

Those who are closest to us will see it first, but through it all, we start living our life at a higher quality. A quality that is more like what is patterned for us in scripture by the Lord Jesus Christ. It is then we will start becoming more like him.

How are we sacrificing for others? How are we giving life to others? Those are two questions we must ask ourselves daily. This is very important on many different levels.

The way we pattern love and care for others will also be how our children will love and care for others. Actually, if we love and care for others their level of love and care will be greater than yours. If we hate others, their level of hate will be greater than ours because what we do in moderation, our kids will do in excess.

Your pattern causes a domino effect. Jesus said in John 15:9; As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you; continue ye in my love. It is a trickle down effect. All of Jesus’ commands fall into two categories: Loving God and Loving people.

The second one is as important as the first. John 15:10; If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father’s commandments, and abide in his love.

The level of Godly love we give determines how much joy we have in life. John 15:11-12; These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full. This is my commandment that ye love one another, as I have loved you. The quality of a friendship will always be measured in adversity. There are times we will be disappointed with a friend, however we must remember that Jesus spoke of a level of self denial of our wants and needs.

There are times in life where we must deny ourselves what we want. Sometimes, it is what we want to achieve that must be put on the back burner to walk with a friend through a valley of despair. John 15:13; Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. The condition of our world culture getting worse or improving truly starts with how we treat those who are closest to us and then outward to others.

Real friendship is unconditional because a friend loves at all times.